Love.

Music never fails to conjur up memories.  I'm sitting here - with the intention of doing some work after Anna went to bed - and I'm listing to some music.  One of the songs (True Companion,if you must know the title) brought back a memory as clear as day.

I've mentioned my friend Jane a few times on this blog; she was a great friend to me.  One of her unique characteristics was that she could really "see" people; see through whatever face you were putting on and get to the core (boy, do I wish I could do this).  I recall one day when I went to her house to vent about B.  I was so incredibly frustrated and angry with something or other he had done (or not done).  Of course, the details of the offense are insignificant today (so much so that I don't recall them).  Truth be told, I thought the early days of our marriage were some of the most trying of our relationship.  I could guess why, but that's another blog post.

Anyway, she said two things that will always stay with me (as I was complaining and talking out my feelings, as I tend to do, etc.):

1) "Christine, you should read this book called Loving What Is."  She went on to explain that the core message of the book was to sift through the clutter and simply love someone for who he/she is, regardless of faults.  That's not to excuse dangerous/damaging behaviors, etc., but to suggest that many of us are constantly trying to make someone who we want him to be (and subsequently forget what we initially loved about that person in the first place).  And, she went on to remind me that none of us is perfect.  I think - no, I know - that I needed that reminder at the time.

2)  The second thing she said to me during the course of our conversation was, "Christine, you just really, really love [B] him, don't you?"  Now, that statement may not seem so strange (he is my husband, after all), but it was the way her face completely shone when she said it.  It was as if the feelings I clearly had for him were simply wonderful and miraculous to her.  Here I was, complaining and venting, and she saw through it all to the core truth.

This is where there's the risk of me getting mushy...because she was right.  I have numerous pics of B & Anna, but I'm posting one here that I love.  My two loves-:)  Okay, enough mush.  Need to change the music!

Home.

Toward the end of my recent European travels, I found myself too tired to blog.  I really wanted to capture in writing my reflections on my day of site-seeing in Istanbul, namely because it was a simultaneously lovely and bizarre experience.  I will take some time soon to write a post about that day - and my final thoughts on my trip - but not right now.

Right now, I simply want to share my thoughts on coming home.  Here's what I know:  I knew it was important that I go on this trip (in addition to being something I had to do for work), because it was an opportunity to stretch my perspective and learn about some new cultures I hadn't previously experienced (I've been to Europe a few times, but never to these places).  But, I was anxious to leave Anna.  I cried the day I left.  And, I thought numerous times about the responsibility that I have as a mother to be there for my child.  the realist in me knew that all would be fine, the week would fly by, and I'd find myself back at home wondering if the incredibly experience even happened at all. But, the super-freak in me thought about all the opportunities for things to go awry, leaving Anna without her mother.  Sounds silly, I know.

My point?  The gratitude I felt for the opportunity and experience didn't come close to matching that which I felt when I arrived home late Saturday night and hugged Brian and Anna.  Brian had a bottle of wine waiting for me (he knows me well) and was ready to hear "all about my trip."  I woke up Anna, and she grinned from ear to ear; I can see it as sweetly in my mind now as if it was just a minute ago.

I will always try to stretch myself and learn new things, if for no other reason than to become a better and more balanced mother for Anna.  But, at the end of the day, I belong here with B & Anna.  My life is far from perfect (for many reasons), but I've spent some time recently thinking about how the Universe (or God, or Mother Nature, you get my drift) knew what it was doing on that day in the Fall of 1995 when I met B for the first time.  It hasn't been a straight, smooth road, but the good ones never are.  That day led us both to this life we're living now, which is rich beyond what I could have ever asked for.

It's good to be home.

Great Speakers.

I'll write more later, but I thought I'd post a link to a blog post I wrote for http://embatalk.com for UNC Kenan-Flagler.  This highlights some of the insights I gleaned from our speakers today in Istanbul.  Truly fascinating; I can't do them justice.
http://embatalk.com/2010/03/onemba-european-residency-days-fourfive/

Follow up.

It's 1:44 a.m. in Istanbul; I arrived at my (beautiful) hotel about an hour ago.  Just in case anyone is reading this (unlikely), I thought I'd just note that I am feeling much better about this trip, and I'm genuinely excited about seeing this city!

More tomorrow.

p.s. here I am in Taksim Square

East Meets West.

 In a matter of hours, I leave Amsterdam for Istanbul, Turkey.  According to what I've read, Istanbul is the "only city connecting two continents," those being Europe and Asia, of course.  And, it was home to several key empires, including Roman.  So, it's often viewed as where the East and West meet, not only from a geographic perspective, but also on the cultural front.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous about this leg of my journey.  Along with the "East" part of the equation comes a lot of misanthropy toward Americans.  I could write for days about whether those feelings are justified, what they stem from, etc.  Regardless, the sentiment exists.  I was checking my email Inbox the other night, and I saw a notification from the US Dept of State (the University registers all staff - voluntarily - with the Dept of State when traveling abroad, so we can receive important communication, etc.) urging Americans to travel to Turkey for the next month or so.  My first thougtht was, "Grrreeeaaatt."  Obviously, there's a "CYA" element to the official warning, but I also know it's grounded in some real concern for potential harm.  I know that because I'm just that person who then proceeded to do some Internet research (so factual, I'm sure) and pulled up all the info on recent terrorist attacks, the underlying issues, etc.

So, here I am, headed there in a few hours.  I've decided that I need to check my control issues at the airline desk and just sit back and relax (while simultaneously being smart and cautious, of course).  Because, really, I could over-analyze this for hours up on hours, but the reality is this:  I'm going.  The city is one of the most vibrant and incredible in the world.  I need to suck up and enjoy it.  Whether or not something (negative) happens is out of my hands.  It's like my fear of flying...there's simply nothing I can do to control the situation.  So, there.  That's my stance.  P.S.  I'm still nervous.  And excited.  And nervous.  And excited.

In the meantime since I last blogged, I've had a great time soaking up Amsterdam.  Yesterday, the student group I'm with visited the Heineken Brewery for a presentation on brand marketing (right up my alley) as well as a tour through the "Heineken Experience."  I thought this would be a simple facilities tour, etc., but it was no such thing. This was truly an experience, including a Disneyworld-like ride through the brewing process.  I thoroughly enjoyed it, especially the two beers they provide at the end:)  I followed that with dinner at the oh-so-American Hard Rock Cafe.  Look:  Don't judge.  My travel companion wanted to go there (she was craving nachos), and I understand a food craving as well as the next girl, so I was there!  And, it was good.

I'm including a photo of some of my colleagues and I at the Disney of Heineken.

Sleepy Ferrell

I've had a full few days, and I can't think of a good title for this post, so I'm dubbing it, "Sleepy Ferrell."  I had to work all day today, so I wasn't able to get out into Amsterdam like I did on Sunday.  So, as soon as I had an opportunity (around 7 p.m.), I headed out for dinner, dragging a few of my colleagues along with me.  I needed to get out of the hotel (which is very nice, but still a hotel)!

As I mentioned before, I'm here in Amsterdam as part of UNC's global OneMBA program, an executive MBA program, so it's only fitting that my dinner companions represented all parts of the world:  an American originally from Maine (may as well be a different country, right?), a Hong-Kong resident who is also a Canadian citizen, a Dutch women who told me she's lived int the same town her entire life, and a Colombian woman who currently resides in Mexico.  We headed out into the city, aiming for a Tapas restaurant that the Dutch native suggested.  She warned us it was in the Red Light District...which was no problem for me, since I wanted to visit there in the evening (I went during the day, but the famous ladies behind the red doors come out at night).  In short, we got turned around, and we never found the restaurant.  We did, however, find a small Mexican cantina (in the Red Light district) where I had some decent chicken fajitas (B knows I'll eat MX food whenever I can).  As I mentioned on Twitter, it doesn't get more global than this!?!  I'm posting a few photos of my dinner companions here:

The first photo is Chantal from Holland and Alice from Hong Kong.  The next is Diana from Mexico and Brigitta from UNC (my colleague) and Chantal again.  The final photo is Brigitta and (a hideous photo of me).

As we were walking through Amsterdam this evening, I thought about a few things:

1) This is truly a beautiful city.  Who knew?  Based on everything I thought I knew about Amsterdam, I really didn't expect it to be so pretty.  There are numerous streets that must look just like they did in the 16th or 17th century, and the canals are incredibly beautiful at night.

2) While many are weirded out by the "ladies of the night" behind the doorways, I find the whole thing really pretty fascinating.  Yes, it is a bit odd.  But, prostitution is the oldest business in the world, and it happens everywhere, certainly in the United States.  The only difference here is that the ladies are being open and honest about their business, rather than trying to hide it.  It almost makes the whole thing seem less seedy...if that makes any sense.

Off to sleep now...I hope.  I've had a hard time sleeping, and then I'm exhausted in the morning.

Amsterdam - first impressions

I arrived in Amsterdam (The Netherlands) late yesterday afternoon.  The purpose of my trip (which will move from Amsterdam to Istanbul, Turkey in a few days) is primarily business, but I'll be packing in as much "personal tourism" as possible.  And, since my "business" is education, it actually provides me the opportunity to see some things that I may not normally see as a tourist.

Honestly, even the journey here was fairly interesting, if only because I haven't traveled to Europe since college.  I've been to the Caribbean a few times, and Canada once, but I haven't crossed the Atlantic in over a decade.  I studied abroad in college (London), so connecting in Heathrow Airport provided me with quite a few flashbacks...beginning with the Wagamama in the airport.  This noodle bar wasn't a chain way back when; it is now.  Lucikly, the trip itself was uneventful.

I'm staying at the Movenpick Hotel, which is really great.  It reminds me of the contemporary Westin chain in the US.  This is a far cry from my backpacking days!  I joined some of my OneMBA colleagues (and friends) for dinner last night at famed Jamie Oliver's Fifteen restaurant, only two blocks from my hotel.  Dinner was excellent.   I won't bore you with the description of the menu, but it was so fresh (what I'd expect from Jamie Oliver).

Today, I was free until 5 pm (which is coming at me shortly), so after a great breakfast at the hotel, I headed out into the city.  I walked more than four hours, loving every minute of it.  I had no plan, just walked (with a map).  I hit all the tourist spots, but I didn't enter any (i.e. Anne Frank house, Van Gogh museum), because lines were around the block.  I did take a good number of photos:  http://picasaweb.google.com/acferrell/Amsterdam?authkey=Gv1sRgCPTOqZ3N3ePcZA&feat=directlink.

A few initial observations:

• The world seems much smaller than the last time I came to Europe.  I keep wondering if it's just my perspective (adult rather than young adult), but I don't think so.  Sure, there were many "Americanized" things last time I was in Europe, but cultures just seem to have melded much more than I remember.  Of course, all the Dutch speak English.  I went into a Starbucks today (which I also had at Heathrow Airport, by the way), got the same coffee I get in the US, and I was served by an American barista.  It all seemed to fit right in with the landscape.  I'm not doing a good job of explaining this, but let's just suffice it to say that I can literally feel the effects of globalization in a way I didn't in the late '90s.
• I knew the Dutch preferred to travel by bicycle, but this is really something else!  I'm amazed by the children riding on handlebars of their parents' bikes.  Toddlers.  Oh, my.  Anna would jump off!  No helmets.  This reminded me that Americans are so incredibly neurotic and need a rule/regulation for everything.  I find it ironic that most European countries are much more socially and politically liberal (than the US), but they don't allow the government to regulate things like "bicycle riding" the way we do.
• Related to my previous observation:  I'm reminded that a healthy lifestyle doesn't have to include regimented exercise.  I saw one jogger all day.  One.  There are joggers all over Chapel Hill.  But, I didn't see many overweight persons, and certainly not overweight Dutch.  They walk and ride their bicycles everywhere.  I walked so much today and felt healthier than if I would have run for an hour.

I wish I could write more, but I must go get ready for the evening; OneMBA kicks off with a canal cruise and dinner.