Gratitude.

Thank you. Mother Earth, God, Great Spirit, whoever or whatever you are - I simply thank you. I've had this thought everyday since my daughter was born nearly eight months ago, and some days I'm overwhelmed by the gratitude I have...for this gift. I was at the coast the weekend before Christmas and took a walk down to the water; she was with me. There were very few folks around and the weather was beautiful. She and I sat down on a bench (and the pup was with us, too) and, well, just sat. I distinctly remember her sweet face as she smiled, and I remember thinking, "This is what life is about." That's how I feel everyday. Thank you.

Good news!

Good news for me, anyway. Some time with my daughter and a few glasses of wine later, I'm much better able to let the bull@*$#& roll of my back. I'm much more relaxed. Whew!

Martyrs and such.

I'm not much of an Oprah watcher. If I was, I'd use this blog to write about all the things and people I appreciate, and other such warm fuzzies. I do that from time to time...but not today. Rather, I'd prefer to use this blog today (and have done so previously, as you can see) to quickly vent. That's healthy, right? Maybe even Oprah would think so.

I'm not sure from where the tendancy to be a martyr originates. I suspect it's deeply rooted in something as basic as childhood or a low self-esteem, etc. And, if that's the case, I know I should just let the effects of such roll off my back, since the chance that the martyr will ever change is slim to none. But, every once in awhile, it's just too much. Way too much.

Don't do something "nice" for me simply because you know you want something in return. Don't explain to me that I "must" do something out of a duty that's not mine. Don't drag me into your guilt-filled world. Just don't do it. I am thoughtful and kind and enjoy doing things for others. And, in fact, I've been known to do things for folks, "just because it's the right thing to do," or because it was really important to those persons. But, I don't appreciate heavy suggestions that I should do something because I need to reciprocate for an action you volunteered.

I know this may all be confusing and veiled, but it feels better for me to get it out. Here's my point: Be straight with me. Tell me what's important to you. Tell me what you need. Tell me if you're disappointed. I, in turn, will be straight with you (as I already am). And, if I'm unable to react to your every request, that's okay. Because, since I'm a free-thinking adult, it's okay for me to say, "no." That's why it's called a request and not a command.

No, I'm not writing about my husband:) He gives it to me straight; I always know where he stands. Not perfect, but not a martyr. I'm just talking about folks in general, of course.