Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Choices and Gratitude. And a clear head?

It's been months since I blogged.  Busy months.  I'll leave it at that:)

I've always approached this blog with what's top of mind for me.  The past couple of days:

1.  Choices
2.  Gratitude

I'll be vague, as the details don't matter.  Just like the nature v. nuture debate, I think most people would philosophically suggest that one's life path is either a series of choices or the result of fate...or somewhere along the gray line in between.

Me?  I've certainly uttered more than once, "there are not coincidences."  That said, I'm a choices kind of gal.  Maybe that's the part of me that's still grasping at the last straws of "control" in my seemingly out-of-control daily life.  I don't know.  What I do know is this:  I made a series of conscious choices that led me to where I am today - both literally and figuratively.  Along the way - there were some (pretty big) surprises - but for the most part, even those are tied to choices I made.  Hindsight is 20/20, so would I have made some different choices in retrospect?  Perhaps. 

Here's the even better thing about the ability to choose your own path:  We continue to make choices each and every day.  I ultimately am the most significant influence on my own destiny, and - to a large extent now - on the future for my daughters.  So, when I'm frustrated or upset about my day/week/month/life - it's freeing to know that change is right around the corner.  It's my choice.

Gratitude?  I'm grateful to be able to choose.  But - more importantly and perhaps not seemingly related to my thoughts about choices:  I'm grateful for this lot I have in life.  For momentary lapses, I forget.  How could I let that happen?  These girls...this family B and I created.  I'm overwhelmed thinking about about the gifts in my life.  This is what I will choose to protect and nuture and grow. 

And, a clear head?  I'm muddling through, trying to clear the cobwebs.  It takes time.  It seems to be easier for some than others; I seem to be pretty "average" on most any given spectrum, so I suppose it'll take me an average amount of time, and I'll be clear. For a while.