I'm getting soft.

I know what you're thinking, and yes, I could easily be referring to my body.  But, for once, I'm not thinking about that.  I'm thinking about how I've changed over time and how differently I process information.  If I had to pinpoint a catalyst for the change, it would certainly be the birth of my daughter. But, I think the change began even before that, perhaps an evolution of my life experiences?

Are you thinking, "What the hell is her point?"  It's this:  I'm getting soft!  I've long been a Myers Briggs ENTJ, otherwise known as "The Leader."  I've had to take this somewhat silly - but generally pretty accurate - test several times over the past 10-15 years, and I'm a consistent ENTJ.  ENTJs are rational, logical, organized, career-oriented, solution-oriented, etc.  A lot of CEOs are ENTJs.  I'm comfortable there.  I like making decisions, solving problems, etc.  You get my drift.  If you know me well, you really get it.

So, the other day, I take the test again.  Sure, it was an online version, but still valid.  The score comes up on the screen:  ENFJ, or "The Giver."  What?!?  My T turned into an F.  Do you know what that means?  It means I'm supposedly, "people-focused," and that I'm more of an influencer than a leader.  My "thinking" has transformed into "feeling."

Oh, my.  What will I do with this?  Seems like the past couple years of putting my personal needs and wants at the back of the bus has impacted my way of thinking.  Is this good? Is this bad? Does it matter?

Here's what I do know.  While these are just the results of a personality assessment, I can feel a difference in myself.  I've recently been contemplating the next direction for my career, which doesn't necessarily mean leaving my current job (honestly...in case you're reading).  I find that my assessment of the options centers around how the change would affect my family.  For instance...job making more money but also more pressure would buy bigger, nicer house in better school district for growing family.  Cutting back to part-time work creates tight financial situation but allows for my child (and future children) to spend more quality time with parent.  Jobs I would've previously considered (and did for a few days) that would enhance the overall trajectory of my career are thrown out of the consideration set because they will take me away from my family too much.  You get the idea.

And, ENTJs love to win.  They're competitive.  I found out today that I may not have "won" one of the career options I was in the running for.  And, you know what?  I don't care that much.  Huh.  That's strange.  My first thought was, "must mean I'm supposed to take another road to spend more time with my daughter."  I'm not sure if that's it at all, and you never know what will unearth next week.  But, in the meantime, I'm just going to try to succomb to being a softie and enjoy the weekend with my family.