This weekend.

Catchy title for the post, huh (insert sarcastic tone)?

I cried today.

Let me explain:

This weekend was fun.  My sister-in-law, Kelly, came to visit Maria (and her namesake) along with her family.  I really like Kelly and enjoyed even the little time we had to catch up and talk.

But - the visit also meant that we spent the majority of the weekend at my MIL's house for meals, just visiting, etc.  That's not a bad thing...not at all what I"m suggesting.  The tricky part was that AG and MK both were "out of sorts" - lacking in sleep (AG from playing with her cousins for 72 hrs straight; MK from just being away from her usual environment, etc.) and cranky.  But, that's par, right?

A few days ago, I would've told you that MK's little bout of colic was nearing its end...clearly, I made the declaration too soon.  MK had considerable episodes Friday night (started in the car on the way home at 8 and lasted until about 11); Saturday night (started at MIL's house at 6 or so and lasted until about 11); and most of the day today (first daytime episodes).  She finally knocked out around 4:30 pm.

So, I cried today.  Why?

 - It's exhausting.  I'm the only person who can calm her at all, so she's with me 24/7.  Literally.
 - It's so hard to hear your child cry like that.  I've read a lot about colic, and most physicians/experts claim the babies aren't actually in pain, but it sure sounds like it. It breaks my heart.
 - While most people are supportive in general of new mothers, a few persons have made comments about "how could I let her cry like that..." etc. - as if I haven't tried everything I know to comfort her.  So, while I'm a self-confident enough person to ignore most of these types of comments, it's still hard to hear!

I'm in hopes that this will be a better week - must like last week was - and that the tales of colic peaking at 6 weeks are true (would mean we're on the downslide after this week)!

At the end of the day, I just love this little girl so much.  When she isn't crying, she just beams and coos, and her face lights up. That's what I try to focus on!

And so it goes every night...

I shouldn't even be writing this.  I should be in bed sleeping.  Why?  Because MK has been asleep for the past hour.  It's now 10:13 pm; she's been asleep since about 9 pm.  If she follows the pattern she seems to have established, she'll sleep until sometime between 11:30 and 12, and then she'll get up, eat, hang out and go back down.  On a good night, she's back down by 1 or 1:30; last night it was 3.

So - all the intelligent folks would take this opportunity to sleep.  Me - not so intelligent.  Why?  Because - this is almost always the first time ALL DAY that I have had a chance to do anything for ME.  By the way, that means things like cleaning the kitchen, writing thank you notes, addressing birth announcements and picking up the house so I don't want to crawl out of my skin (I'm slightly OCD about having a neat house).

What's my husband doing? Weeelllll....he's been in bed since 8:30 or so.  He says he's tired and needs to sleep.  Um...me too!

I've got nobody to blame but myself, I suppose.  I wish I was okay with letting all of the "chores" go by the wayside (along with the 30 minutes I'll spend between blogging, Facebook, email) and just kicking back, because I truly need to.

So, I'm signing off.  I'm going to do it.  I'm going to sleep.

In the now.

Right here, right now, it's all good.

As I try to capture this journey of being the parent of a newborn (and a preschooler), I know that I need to capture each moment for what it is.  And this one - right now - is good.

I had a good night's sleep last night (that's how I describe six hours, four of which were uninterrupted).  I took an hour-long nap today.  I got out and ran some much-needed errands today while AG was in preschool; MK slept like an angel while I did so.  Husband had to work late (very late), and I managed to feed, bathe and put to bed the two girls.

So, while MK is snoozing for a few minutes (did I mention she's in the bouncy seat in the bathroom with the fan turned on?  whatever works.), I've enjoyed a glass of wine while listening to some good music and finalizing my address list for MK's birth announcements.  Husband is now home and one the phone with a West Coast friend, so I'm literally chillin'.  For the moment.  And, well, that's about all any of us can ask for, isn't it?

A few years ago, I read The Power of Now, and while I'm pretty sure this wasn't quite what the author was referring to, I am taking in how grateful and happy I am.  Right.  Now.  Because, what I also know is that the moment can (and will) change.  Just.  Like.  That.