Watch the Thinker.

"Watch the thinker," writes Eckhart Tolle in his book, The Power of Now. It's been a couple years since I read the book, and I didn't even finish it, but I remember this phrase and point. The context around "What the thinker" is that to truly be in the here and now, you must be able to be outside of yourself...make any sense? Anyhoo, it's not an easy task for most of us, so the first step to achieving that state, says Tolle, is to practice "watching the thinker." Essentially, try to observe your own thoughts as if you were a fly on the wall of your life. Since I read that several years back, I find myself "watching the thinker" quite often. It's interesting. It's frightening. It's annoying.

I realize that there are certain scripts that run through my head a lot. For instance, I'm always trying to please someone/something. I'm always telling myself I should be better. On the flip side, I am easily annoyed when others around me aren't fervently doing the same thing. The good thing about watching all this thinking is that I'm able to try to change the script after recognizing those recurring thoughts that aren't productive to me or others. Now to my point: perhaps the most interesting (and annoying) thing I've learned is that I constantly have thoughts running through my head. All the time. When I'm sitting watching TV, I'm thinking about something. When I'm making dinner, I'm thinking about something. As I sit here and type, I'm thinking about something.

Right now? I'm thinking that I'm slightly annoyed that my husband went to watch football with his friends while I'm sitting here watching a teething, non-napping baby. And, I'm asking myself why I'm annoyed by that...can he not watch football with his friends? And, shouldn't I want to maximize my time with the baby since I'm going to Chicago on Tuesday for a business trip? And, I'm thinking that I need to remember to ask the nanny if she can work on Friday. And, how may bottles do I need to leave Brian and the nanny when I go to Chicago? And, I've eaten way too much junk food this weekend. And, what will I wear when I present at the conference on Tuesday? And, my job...need to think about how I'm going to make the changes I'd like to make...wow that opens up a whole can of worms. Seriously, these are the things that have been running through my head.

Holy moly. No wonder I need a blog. If only I had more time to write.